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The 4th Line Banger
Top Prospect
USA
38 Posts |
 Posted - 04/27/2009 : 19:05:46
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The 4th Line Banger’s Top Ten changes to make the Playoffs more Interesting
by The 4th Line Banger
Alright, it’s been a while since I dropped my words of wisdom (or lack there of) to the Leagues of Pick-Up Hockey Blog readers. Unfortunately, the Banger’s busiest season coincides with the NHL playoffs, so my time is limited. What I will try to do is drop a quick Top 10 a la Dave Letterman each week about stuff that’s going on or crazy thought’s that are in my head.
10. Have Rocket Launchers under every seat in every stadium. Every time Booing occurs during the National Anthem of either Country, the Rocket launches. Talk about the Rocket’s Red Glare (especially when the fan flying through the air with a rocket stuck in his you know what is wearing a Habs Jersey)!!
9. Force the Half-Wits TSN puts between the benches during the game to go to Don Cherry for fashion advice. With any luck Pierre McGuire will be taken out with a clearing attempt by Chara (who flinched when he noticed the Yellow and Pink Paisley jacket out of the corner of his eye). Then, I won’t have to hear that moron talk for the rest of the playoffs.
8. In honor of the Terrible Towel in Pittsburgh, the Penguins should have a fan giveaway night of the “Terribly Soiled Jock-Strap.” The highlight of the playoffs would be 17,000 fans all swinging around dirty, smelly athletic supporters every time Crosby or Malkin scored!
7. Have John Tortorella fly to Anaheim on his off days to cool down the Cheerleaders with his deadly accurate water bottle evacuation techniques. Instant US TV ratings.
6. Give automatic style point to any player who mimics a move or gesture from the past, a la Cary Price. Good on ya Kid, shut up those ungrateful fans that can hardly spell goalie let alone play the position. And I can’t wait until Jerome Iginla skates like a demon after scoring a goal and sliding on his back into the boards after the game 7 game winning goal in Chicago or all 6’9” and Chara fly through the crease horizontally when he scores the Stanley Cup winning Goal.
5. Maybe instead of suspending the goon for being a goon the NHL should give the opposing team their choice of players to suspend. Maybe a waste of skin like Brashear won’t be out there at all if his actions might cost his team their best player for 6 games.
4. Philly should wear Cooper All’s for the playoffs only. And while they are at it, they should have Bobby Clarke go into the dressing room before their first game and start punching players in the face until they have lost a sufficient number of teeth. Maybe they might show up physically. I mean, how do you get man handled by the friggin Penguin’s???
3. Someone should have called the Blues and told them the season can be more than 82 games. I know they haven’t been to the playoffs for a while, but c’mon. Hey, while you’re at it, call Columbus and Montreal as well!
2. The NHL should finally tell people what part of the body the “undisclosed” is. I am so confused. Does my undisclosed hurt thinking about this?? Or did I strain my undisclosed running today??? Do I have a Charlie Undisclosed from blocking a shot??? Tell ya what, all you with jobs out there, call the boss tomorrow and tell them you will not be in because of an undisclosed injury. Let me know how that goes.
1. In all seriousness, how friggin good are the young players in the game today??? I mean no disrespect to the Old Guard, but there are a serious number of guys under the age of 25 who will take the NHL to the next level. I don’t think there has been a crop of youth this talented in the league for at least a couple of decades.
See ya next week.
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The Banger's Top Ten - 1st Edition 
